Appalachia Year

After a week of surmounting (somehow, some way) the batch of Sisyphean tasks required of me to not be kicked out of grad school, I sort of feel like I ate 50 eggs. "Nobody can eat 50 eggs". So to celebrate the fact that I can do life, I present to you a Heartbreak Soup-inspired recipe:

Broke-ass version of Eggs in Hell:

1. Put your roommate's cast-iron skillet on the burner. Accidentally turn the stove up so high that the blue flames threaten to engulf the thing, then turn it down. Let it get stupid-hot. Spray with olive oil spray.
2. Open the refrigerator door to retrieve eggs, only to have eggs come crashing to the floor. Select one or two unbroken eggs and crack over skillet. It should make the most satisfying sound in the world. If the sound leaves you flaccid, you have not let the skillet get hot enough.
3. The eggs should cook through in about 45 seconds. Take them off the burner and clean up the eggs all over the refrigerator door and on the floor. Momentarily remember where eggs come from. Have a brief ethical dilemma. Abandon ethical dilemma.
4.Check the Internet to see what time the show at Casa tonight starts.
5.Figure out if you will be able to get your homework done and work out before then. Use your powers of self-delusion to convince yourself you will.
6. Remember you were making food.
7. Flip the eggs onto a plate. Heat some Newman's Own pasta sauce in your favorite variety on low in the same skillet.
8. Realize you have no bread to make the garlic toast that usually accompanies this recipe.
9. Slice the scallions and cilantro from last weekend when your boyfriend made you dinner.
10. Spoon the now-heated sauce over your fried egg. Lick the spoon and burn your tongue. Lick it again, for some reason.
11. Top with scallions, cilantro and ground pepper.
12. Already begin thinking about the next thing you will eat after this.