Before I moved, I thought that it would be the being here that was difficult, and the school part would be fine. Being here is weirdly comfortable. However, any romantic notions about how lovely and interesting it would be to be in graduate school evaporated today. It hit me like a ten car pileup in a dense fog, the sheer volume of time that will not be mine in the next year. I'm a little despondent today, grieving my beer-soaked summer, my lethargic, above-it-all undergrad mindset. I've always had an anaphylactic reaction to trying my hardest. Can you imagine if I was a first year law or medical student? How thin is my freaking skin?
And there aren't even unwitting friends and boyfriends around for me to bitch at! More than likely, that is a good thing. I can't help but feel sorry for myself and I can't help but feel like a baby for feeling so sorry for myself.
I keep thinking of that interchange in Kicking and Screaming:
Jane: Sometimes you can be such a child.
Grover: But if I was a child, you'd find that endearing!
No comments:
Post a Comment