Appalachia Year

As a recent alum of the sprawling leviathan that is (the) Ohio State University, it's not hard to find things to like about Ohio University. All of my classes are in one building. Which is right next to the library. Which is right next to the bureaucratic-jumping-through-of-hoops building. Which is all ten minutes by foot from my house. Ohio State hasn't even had a library for two years. A small, cozy, convenient campus is an alien concept.

Today I had to go to Payroll in order to drop off my direct deposit form. Because I haven't had a source of income since August 25th. And then I bought a bed. And then I bought a camera. And then I paid September rent. So when that stipend check comes on October 1st, I want it fast. I want to melt that stipend check on a spoon and shoot it up between my toes.

Payroll, however, is in some satellite building, a twenty minute walk east of campus into nowheresville. The building itself is oversized, utilitarian, over-air-conditioned: markedly OhioStatesian. When I turn in the form, the woman at the desk apologizes to me for "having to walk all the way out here." Are you kidding me? At Ohio State, I'd have to walk twenty minutes to four different buildings until I found the right office, wait for 45 minutes to be told I'm missing a form, then they'd have me sign away my first born and tattoo Carmen Ohio on my forehead.

This morning, I was doing research on the library computers for my assistantship, compiling articles about social media and the presidential campaign, occasionally pausing to wonder if maybe Barack Obama is courting my vote because he like-likes me. Should I ask him to homecoming? I bet he's been asked like a thousand times already. Then, in a room silent except for the mad clicking of keyboards, someone's phone rings, blasting their "MMMbop" ringtone. It continues ringing, unanswered, until finally a frat dude built like an ox stands up, holds up the phone like a trophy, puts it to his ear and says "Hey, Mom." The room erupts into laughter, and I think, "Holy shit, I'm at work right now." Vast improvement from being verbally abused and coming home smelling like shawarma.